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The Dropout Reports
Anyone for rugby? A significant anniversary n the world of soccer recently passed unnoticed. Fifty years ago, one of the great club sides of all time came to Dublin and, before 46,000 riveted spectators at Dalymount Park, defeated Shamrock Rovers by six goals to nil. The team of all the talents was the Manchester United team of Matt Busby, the one that, months later, was obliterated on an icy tarmac in Munich. Soccer was a symmetrically balanced game then, each side had five backs and five forwards and the latter plagued the former with as much assiduity as the former policed the latter. Teams, in other words, were tactically faithful to their stated intention of scoring goals - read full dropout report
Dream On... Were we picking the fifteen best or the best fifteen? If the latter, why were Louis Galbraith's credentials so shamelessly ignored? Dropout is on the point of making a significant statement so follow carefully the route taken by the pen: if Louis Galbraith had been playing for Ireland this year we would not have lost to the French in Croke Park - read full dropout report
See Much Change? One Friday evening in the early sixties the mother of all drinking sessions took place over in Joe Mays. Paddy Gaughran, a local short-haul seaman, had decided to throw in his lot with a vast ocean-going merchant vessel and his friends were gathered to bid him farewell. Henceforth Paddy would spend his life swanning up and down the Suez Canal or reclining in the more salubrious bars of Dar-es-salaam - read full dropout report
McGuinness Rules O.K. Back in those antediluvian amateur days, before the great flood of professionalism, the rugby tackle was a thing of beauty – the ball-carrier in full flow subtly spancelled by an intrepid defender and the pair of them, locked in an ad hoc embrace, coming down to earth with all the elegance of a Concorde - read full dropout report
Try and try again but.... Skerries seven jocked off Benidorm flight Watching Skerries play at the weekend was rather like watching one of those small screen "try of the season" competitions where a blizzard of scores is beamed at you in such quick succession that adjudication becomes virtually impossible - read full dropout report
Goats have measure of Inst The homecoming was high spirited without ever threatening to topple over into excess. The voice of the irrepressible Wigs went across the Pyrenees and down Transvaal before coming back via the Elephant's arse to a rousing Munster medley - read full dropout report
Skerries suffocated by students The inquest into this defeat by Trinity will have continued long into Saturday night in the corridors of power at Rockalyoke. All the usual suspects will have been led in for the identity parade - lack of fitness, flawed skills, myopic refereeing, poor concentration, missed penalties - but only the last two will have been detained for questioning - read full dropout report
Skerries win recalls old glories The regular presence of Senator Glennon behind the dead-ball line at the sea end is beginning to revitalise an area of the ground that has long lain derelict and unfrequented - such is his facility for attracting the passing electorate - read full dropout report
Change of Colours Not Needed To Distinguish These Teams Add another name to the roll-call of top couturiers. Dior, Lagerfield, St. Laurent are all excellent in their own way but none has achieved success of any kind on a rugby field. P. C. DENNY put a simply stunning collection of his leisurewear creations on the catwalk at Rockalyoke on Sunday afternoon - read full dropout report
Goats Elude Rangers Dunne runs in a style reminiscent of Paul Dean, that is to say the direction of his knees don't provide the an infallible guide to the direction of his running. Bective failed to decipher him until he was over half-way - read full dropout report
Goats refuse to Capitulate, Ross, Doss and Thos - a rhyming triplet One local said it was the biggest invasion of Ballina since the French disembarked at Killala and poured into the town through Bohernasup. It was marginally bigger, he said, and a lot noisier than the Pioneer Rally of 1964 when, it will be remembered, a great wave of religious ecstasy led to a banner being strung across O' Rahilly Street with the highly questionable " God bless the Holy Ghost " - read full dropout report
Goats out on Pasture Mention of the hooker Mulcahy makes it opportune to pay tribute to one who has worn Lord Holmpatrick's riding colours with pride for the best part of two decades now. A good half-dozen of the present side were still slobbering on their soothers - some of them may still be at it - when Mulcahy made his senior competitive debut in the Leinster League - read full dropout report
Same Score - Double the Credit The seal on the try-line on Saturday was genuinely hermetic - the Goats behaved like a squad of ill-disposed and over zealous bouncers who just didn't like the look of the visitors from Galway and steadfastly refused to admit them to the in-goal area - read full dropout report
En Route to Thomond Park Skerries began, in fact, as if this was a demonstration match. The resistance of the locals was purely token. But a ten point lead after as many minutes seemed to have the affect of a strong narcotic. Lord Holmpatrick's men culpably allowed the re-start kick to bounce and subsequent events intimated that it was at this point that the current to Skerries dynamo had been cut by a mental trip switch - read full dropout report
Goats use their Heads to get Bonus Point Woodlock, visibly concerned, was circling the pitch with what appeared to be a set of jump-leads but the Skerries battery remained flat for sometime after the oranges - read full dropout report
Goats Take Tumble On The Piste At Pearsonstown The highly motivated Goats were as likely to lose by 30 clear points as David Garry was to get a lead role with the Royal Ballet - read full dropout report
The Buck is Still a Buck Early indications on Saturday were that the Goats, far from suffering any psychological trauma, had in fact been revitalized by the mid-term break. The buck was still a buck and Monkstown would be the first to know it - read full dropout report
Quirke's Cross-Border Stud Value Soars The Skerries club president was firmly ensconced amongst the Tally-ho-Fetch-me-a-crop-Felicity fraternity on the town side of the ground and much of the talk centred on the colt wearing No. 11. He was entered in the showing class only in the first-half and the northern connoisseurs took careful note - nice configuration, well-tended mane, no obvious anomalies in the trot - read full dropout report
Lift the Goats! Then his emphatic break out of defense was decorated with a millimetrically precise pass to Quirke, free and in full flight on the left. A spectacular score diminished only by the puerile dance routine which ensued. Triumphalism is for Emperors, it is less becoming for rugby players - read full dropout report
Old Gold, Cerise and Blue Still Fluttering If this Skerries team was a Rover there would be a serious consideration for a factory recall. A number of serious flaws have shown up during its brief time on the market - sluggish drive-shaft, timing out of synch, overheating in traffic - read full dropout report
St. Vitus' Dance One cue, and off the ball, vulgarly healthy men collapsed as if bitten by a snake or stricken with an attack of st. Vitus' Dance. Now, snakes are not commonplace in Skerries (the reptilian variety at any rate) nor is St. Vitus' Dance one of the major maladies in Limerickmen, but the referee didn't seem to notice the anomaly - read full dropout report
Exposure to the elements is no novelty for Connemara men More than once O'Sullivan demonstrated his entrepreneurial skills and around the country there is talk of forming a support-group for the growing number of victims of his side-step - read full dropout report
Patsy doesn't do tackles When, fifteen minutes into the second half on Saturday, Beggs, not for the first time in the match, stood facing the opposition ball-carrier before deciding to wave him through, the Skerries side-line support was decidedly disgruntled. Only one voice retained its composure. The slow Fingal monotone explained that "Patsy doesn't do tackles" - read full dropout report
Shades of Willie Duggan O'Shea pere, Head of Mythology in the Archive Section at Holmpatrick, had led a fact finding mission to Banbridge some weeks ago and on his return, with typical terseness he produced a 65-page strategy document - read full dropout report
Let's get the hell out of here... For connoisseurs of the ancient art of jousting there was a match within a match, a side show which at times threatened to upstage the main event. O’Connor, the caprine prop and McGrath the Clonakilty tight-head spent so much time exchanging yellow cards and escorting each other to the touch line that they might have been long lost brothers in prolonged embrace - read full dropout report
A Wanderers warm-up that would have done justice to a Foreign Legion Selection Test In this season’s Skerries match programme Mickey Machiavelli, Wanderers version of the Eternal Flame, reminisces on taking a star-studded fifteen to play a League match at Holmpatrick a quarter of a century ago, only to be devoured by a near-feral local pack backed by the cultured boot of Celsus Toye. Any residual resentment from that occasion is likely to have been dissipated by Saturday’s events - read full dropout report
Lord Holmpatrick’s riding colours at half-mast A hesitant tackle against a bouyant runner has roughly the same value as an iodine tablet against a nuclear accident. Before the end the visitors line had been breached four more times and the debit balance was touching the half-century - read full dropout report
Gaudeamus igitur! The heavy artillery O’Connor, Grimes and Rooney all showed their ability as runner/carriers although PG might care to review his dietary arrangements on match day. A cursory examination of the deposit he left on the Shenick touchline midway through the second half indicated that he may have had one sausage too many in his late breakfast - read full dropout report
The exquisite landscapes of Mayo Excessive fever close to the line deprived Skerries on a few occasions and when the equaliser did come it was in the shape of a trade-mark tour de force from the No. 11. Keane's barber leaves his head looking a bit like a set-aside area and Keane, in turn, does the same to opposition defences. Taking a ball in the midfield from his homonym at out-half he swatted left and right and was still festooned with defenders as he slid into the promised land - read full dropout report
Anyone can lead a pack! Ten minutes into the second moiety the Goats had the lead. This time the line-out was driven across the border to the promised land and the redoubtable Dowling took the score. To protect for half an hour a lead of anorexic proportion requires well-defined qualities of will and resolution - read full dropout report
Cataclysmic Reverses When, approaching the end of the first quarter, the home winger accurately deciphered Caraher's intentions and took the intercept he had an unmonitored prairie in front of him. Caraher could only assume the stricken look of a parachutist whose rip-cord had failed - read full dropout report
Objectivity is an elusive ideal at the best of times The Celtic League Final drew its percentage of lukewarm supporters to the bar. But one man whose fidelity is undivided is the redoubtable Turlough. Long after the sun had gone down and night had fallen his strident exhortations were still echoing over Rockalyoke - read full dropout report
Where did it all go right? The Rugby Committee went into emergency session shortly after the final whistle at Holmpatrick on Saturday. Events on the field were parsed and analysed and then reparsed. The general consensus was that an answer would have to be found to the serious conundrum posed by the Goats’ performance that afternoon. Debate raged on and it was well into the Sabbath before defeat was finally conceded. No-one, it seemed, could adequately resolve the question at issue: “Where did it all go right?” - read full dropout report
The best of both worlds Keane, in a previous incarnation, was without doubt one of those Roman chariots, the ones with the big blades rotating on the wheels which dismember anyone straying onto their route and he left the usual trail of victims in his wake as he powered his way inexorably to the corner - read full dropout report
The fungoid growth of corporate entertainment Sheeran, the Kiwi at out-half, is not a big fellow but he was putting every milligram of his frame on the line to halt the trundling mastadonts on the other side. His head suffered and when he returned from time-out for a blood-staunch the extravagant bandaging gave him the look of a Hindu philosopher - read full dropout report
One more question: Is Giles a fit person to take a training session? Is Giles a fit person to take a training session? The precise instructions on how to get to Dublin Airport by road led to one of our visitors running aground at Rush Harbour on Friday evening - read full dropout report
Intermediate Primes Everyday contains these brief moments between light and dark which the poets refer to as the gloaming. For the romantics it is a hallowed time. For the car-drivers it is a hazardous time. For the myopic rugby player it is time to boycott the ball - read full dropout report
Fortitude of the Goats wins the day A pale winter sun filtering through the window of the King’s licensed premises picked out the presidential paunch as the pre-match post-prandial speech began. And in that throaty voice that adds an extra dollop of sincerity to all his declarations Roscoe informed his hosts that “we love it down here”. A few hours later he was loving it even more - read full dropout report
Caudine Forks The zany O’Sullivan (David) showed that he is still a transcendent rugby talent by easing into a defensive fissure and pulling away from the pursuit before eliminating the full-back with the daintiest of soft-shoe shuffles - read full dropout report
A Virtual Beggs The game began with a coup de theatre – the apparent slaying of the hero, the Skerries open side flanker. When the visiting No. 8 appropriated the kick-off and powered forward O’Sullivan the elder, first into contact, was left scattered on the deck. But immortality is a useful asset in this kind of drama and a brief trip to the service area was enough to restore the No. 7 - read full dropout report
Wiping out years of history The old gold cerise and blue, fielding a makeshift side, had just succumbed ingloriously to a local fifteen which was preparing its debut season in senior rugby. “That eighty minutes” he said gravely “has wiped out years of history” - read full dropout report
The normally tranquil world of the Aspirants Before the end an audacious dummy by the visiting out-half induced sudden onset paralysis in the home rearguard. The score at the posts marked the terminus for Skerries on this particular Via Doloroso - read full dropout report
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