Goats have measure of Inst

Instonians 9
McKeown 3 penalties

Skerries 17
Dowling try, Brady 3 penalties, Dempsey dropped goal

The recent receipt of a couple of ill-fitting tracksuits at Holmpatrick had a curious sequel on the training ground last week. At the height of rehearsals on Thursday Brady, the sturdy center-three quarter found himself confronted by a man wielding a bespoke tailors measuring tape. Before he knew quite what was happening the player had his vital statistics taken and the man promptly disappeared into the night. He was later identified as a Mr. P.C. Denny, described as a rugby team manager and part-time loss-adjuster with an address in the Shenick area of the town. The question everyone was asking was - would the events on the training ground be replicated in match play on the Saturday. The harrowing images began to appear - Denny emerging from the first scrum triumphantly brandishing the inside-leg measurements of the entire front-row, Denny being hoisted at the line-out in order to check the chest expansion of the jumper, Denny hurling himself across the line to enquire if the try-scorer would like slim-fit or classic-cut. In the event none of these things transpired. The mercurial manager was more concerned with whether his protégés would have the measure of an Instonians team now resurgent after the turmoil of recent years and firmly settled on the South Bank of the Lagan at Shaw's Bridge. Skerries began as if seeking retribution for William's erstwhile blustering on the Boyne - their initial forays drove the home side back towards the river in disarray. The reward was an early penalty goal kicked with aplomb by Brady. Skerries enjoyed lengthy periods of dominance in this first half but were coming face to face with a regrettable truism of the modern game. These days the pitch resembles an urban district where the planning laws have been subverted by brown envelopes - there is a distinct shortage of green area and the highways formerly reserved for lively limousines are now clogged by lumbering juggernauts. The word overlap is in serious danger of being deleted from the vocabulary of rugby.

And yet..at various stages in the game one or other of the Skerries outside backs made a tangible incision in the opposing defense. More than once Early - an inspirational captain - blended brawn and brain to carve an opening. The thoroughbred Quirke slipped the leash and galloped on the downs of the left-wing before being arrested. Brady drove up the middle, Lawless threatened on the bias and Scanlan threaded his way through a couple of layers. (As against this Instonians contrived only one emphatic thrust - outhalf Headly making considerable yardage after a promptly taken penalty). It will be a matter of some concern that Skerries failed to capitalize on any of these infiltration's. Their only try, the only one of the game, came shortly before half-time when Dowling thundered over after the pack had been repelled at a line-out close to the corner. Brady had earlier kicked two more penalties and McKeown had opened the home side's account so the score at the break stood at 14-3. When Dempsey dropped a neat goal soon after the resumption the omens looked favorable for the visitors but Brady misread a kickable penalty and Skerries began to shed their cohesion. Paradoxically, it was during their period of subservience that Skerries gave greatest hope for the continuation of the campaign. From 1 to 15 the priceless assets of spirit and tenacity went on open display and the coach Carron, a man whose nerve ends are frequently laid bare ; remained admirably composed on the periphery as if to proclaim an implicit faith in his charges. The Instonians challenge was thwarted and finally broken by a near-hermetic defense at a modest cost of two further penalties - not even sufficient to afford the famous club the consolation of a bonus point.

The homecoming was high spirited without ever threatening to topple over into excess. The voice of the irrepressible Wigs went across the Pyrenees and down Transvaal before coming back via the Elephant's arse to a rousing Munster medley. Dos regaled the backbenchers with a singing technique based on the idea the law of averages will allow him to hit the occasional right note. An on-deck urinal is a facility of doubtful advantage - many will regret the demise of the communal piss. There are few things as edifying as the sight of a solid phalanx of men synchronized in the hypotenusal position against a rural wall. Even more disturbing is the evidence that Dr. Duff and the sidekicks have been experimenting in the Music Laboratory again, by crossing the Yellow Submarine with the Lyons Tea Ad they have this time come up with a real monster. The Skerries superbus is launched and will run until next April.