Patsy doesn't do tackles

Monkstown 7 Vance (try), McWilliams (con)
Skerries 3 Whearity (pen)

When, fifteen minutes into the second half on Saturday, BEGGS, not for the first time in the match, stood facing the opposition ball-carrier before deciding to wave him through, the Skerries side-line support was decidedly disgruntled. Only one voice retained its composure. The slow Fingal monotone explained that "Patsy doesn't do tackles". Well Skerries, it seems, don't do wins. Failure to secure a victory that was there for the taking means that the Goats continue their crossing of the desert with only a meagre ration of bonus points to sustain them. Only two square meals since September and now the Sahara Sun is beating down relentlessly. The route is strewn with bleached skulls ……all that's left of UCG, Queens, Sligo etc. The buzzards are still picking at the decomposed carcasses of Highfield and Ards, the most recent victims. Mirages come in the form of Grey and Butler boarding the next bus from Wagga Wagga to Skerries …the last sighting of an oasis was in mid December …if Oxfam don't drop a five-point Survival Kit soon the camels will begin to drop to their knees.

One could go on. But it's not yet time for hallucination. A judicial examination of Saturdays performance would find it difficult to make individual incriminations. Censure of BEGG's defensive reticence is balanced by praise for his tactical kicking. And all over the pitch there were instances of individual worthiness. Even occasional instances of individual brilliance. KEANE made several of the trademark thrusts which mark him down as a reputable No. 7. O' SULLIVAN prompted anticipation every time he touched the ball. Mc DONNELL provided enough percussion to start a band. DUFF induced serious nostalgia with two superb ankle-tackles. ROONEY's distribution was good enough to suggest that within the gargantuan frame there is a lithe three-quarter trying to get out. The Old Gold, Cerise and Blue corner is well stocked with credits. The problem is that, while great teams are said to amount to more than the sum of their parts, this Skerries outfit is not even equal to the aggregate of its parts. Collective confidence will solve the accountant's dilemma.

Saturday's game was a tense affair and in the best traditions of Skerries - Monkstown encounters… in other words most of the action took place between the 10-yard lines. After a scoreless first half someone suggested that, conforming to national hunt practice, the two teams should be taken down to view the try lines, to sniff them if necessary, all in the hope that they might then go on and clear them in style. In the event only once was the try line surmounted, WHEARITY, after an earlier miss opened the scoring for Skerries on 53 minutes. The home response was swift - a concerted forward drive across the 22 and prompt despatch to the three quarters left full-back VANCE cutting across the bias to score at the posts; McWILLIAMS kicked the easy conversion. WHEARITY miscued a further kick at goal (while one has every sympathy with the young winger who is getting little opportunity to show his quality in open play it must be said that the absence of BRADY's place-kicking is costly) and the final 10 minutes saw Skerries discarding their inhibition in the hope of constructing a score. QUIRKE's loss of faith in his own spearing pace was symptomatic of the collective doubt as was the lack of prompt support when KEANE made a valiant 50-metre excursion at the end.

Paddy Power is quoting Bangor at 25/1 to escape relegation, Instonians are at 7/2 and Skerries are at 10/1. Would the players demonstrate the recovery of their collective confidence by chipping in a tenner a man and getting manager DENNY to fast track his Rover to the nearest turf accountant?