Cataclysmic Reverses

Skerries 1st XV v Instonians (AIL), 25th January, 2003 at Shawsbridge

Instonians 49
Skerries 0

The present wearers of Lord Holmpatrick’s riding colours are in no immediate danger of developing delusions of grandeur – no sooner has their self-esteem been bolstered by a superior performance at home than it is blown to smithereens on their subsequent venture out of Fingal. Thirteen of Skerries fifteen points have been secured in the fastness of Holmpatrick but four of the five luxury coach journeys have culminated in cataclysmic reverses. It is as if all the away fixtures are being played on Lough Derg and the Goats return suitably chastened and contrite. Its all very good for the sour of course but does little to improve Skerries status in the basement of the third division.

The latest dose of reality was administered at Shaw’s Bridge on Saturday but it could, with a little care, have been considerably less lethal than a count of forty-nine without reply. Despite the concession of an early penalty Skerries slipped quickly into proactive mode and with a constant supply of line-out ball – O”SHEA being the main purveyor – they dominated territorially. Indeed they might have reached half-time in a strong bargaining position had they not opted to ignore a fundamental tenet of circus wisdom. Down at Fossetts even the clowns will tell you that you do not perform hazardous manoeuvres without a safety net. With runners of the calibre of HEWITT and KEANE the desire to move the ball wide is entirely laudable…. but not without risk. When, approaching the end of the first quarter, the home winger accurately deciphered CARAHER’S intentions and took the intercept he had an unmonitored prairie in front of him. CARAHER could only assume the stricken look of a parachutist whose rip-cord had failed.

With wind advantage Skerries continued to exert pressure and when KEANE turned up in midfield it only needed an adequate pass to give him an odds-on chance of puncturing the line. Sadly, the precious oval was directed to a point due west of his ear lobe and the opportunity was lost. Lesson 2 from the trapeze-artists manual was to follow. Another impeccable line-out catch from O’SHEA was poorly processed in midfield and Instonians hacked on to score without any evidence of a contingency defence plan. A further penalty from DUNLOP for the home side on the verge of half-time meant that when the game resumed Skerries would face not just the wind but a twenty-point deficit.

To their credit the Goats took up the challenge and limited the third-quarter concessions to three points. HEWITT’S positioning and fielding were without blemish and he made one majestic sally in counter-attack. EARLY too ran well out of defence and timed his passes with precision to KEANE. But, despite his tenacity, the Bounding Buffalo was well policed.

Debilitated by brittle scrummaging Skerries eventually hit the buffers, outpaced and outgunned by a pack which featured a starkly miscellaneous back-row. Instonians may have been told that there is a limit on the overall footage for flank-forwards and having used up 6ft 4 on the number 6 they only had 4ft 6 left for the number 7. But that pocket dynamo was the outstanding player on the field. A ferret in perpetual motion, he contributed to all of the four tries which concluded a gala day for his team. The final whistle was the cue for the music to begin in the bar. To be allowed to grieve in peace was all that the Goats wanted but, with questionable insouciance, their club secretary took to his feet to give a rousing rendition of Phil the Fluter’s Ball. “Oh hadn’t we the gaiety”.

A factor common to all of Skerries capitulations this season has been their subservience at the tackle situation. Now, the Skerries forwards are, in general, a thoroughly likeable bunch, laudably law-abiding and with meticulous attention to etiquette. As polite a corps you wouldn’t meet in the corridors of Buckingham Palace. But they should know that the tackle area in rugby is a designated zone of lawlessness where mobocracy is the norm. Decorum and forelock touching cut no ice there. What the team desperately needs is full-time specialist help in the area of downright bad manners. Preference will be given to applicants from the Ballynanty area.